Post by neferti on Sept 18, 2010 16:05:27 GMT -5
While I've been gone, I've fallen in love. My hearts been wrecked by this love and messed up fantasy that I was living in, so I thought I would let everyone know how I was feeling during my time away from DE. Quick note: some of these are rather confusing, so just to let you know: I was confused with love for a while, so I wrote letters to myself saying I should man up and tell this girl my feelings for her. Then, I found someone else and stayed with her for a while (not like in her house, but in a romantic relationship sense). Alright...now that all has been explained, hope you all enjoy and understand how I was feeling at the time these were wrote.
If there were any sort of way to dwell into a man's mind, I would want to be one of the first to have it done on. I would like to see if there was anything, anything at all that could help me perceive this world better at all. Behind the many close doors of the world is true pain that we as Americans believe is all different levels of f***ed up. I speak of war, poverty, and anything else that comes along. I see it simply as I can bear it. I wish to no longer see it just as a man with a broadened mind, but as a man with the soul of compassion that comes along with it. If I was able to do so, then I would be happy. Happier than I'll have ever been since acknowledging the truth.
I look back on what I have done today and think.I ponder if I had told her.I'm wondering if I should have waited.Should have waited until we got some time alone.Should have waited for that perfect moment....so I could kiss her,touch her,caress her.I sit here looking at my screen and wonder...should I have told her?Should I have waited until the day was done,before the final hour?I think yes but my mind says other wise.I just don't know what to do except sit here and wait until I know how she feels about how...I love her.Now that I have told her how I feel for her,I must tell the other.Her skin is soft and her face is beautiful.Her curves are amazing and her personality is hard,but cute.I just wonder if I have the guts of telling her if I love her.....
My heart feels heavy whenever I see you now. It pains me to feel this uneasy way. I'm not sure exactly what to do with myself now. We had a blast while it lasted. But it seems that there are no eventful moments in life eh? But luckily I have a brother who I can trust and help me get through this large hump in my life. The only true person that I feel completely connected with. Hopefully, things will go his way in his life.
This feeling...
It feels as if it is something brand new....
something I've forgotten...
something that I haven't felt in a long time....
It is a new feeling to me...
as if I never had it before....
Could it be?
Can it be?
Yes, I believe it is...
The passionate feeling.....
Something that I only feel whenever I can be alone with you....
If only we can have more time alone....
So I could touch you....
and kiss you....
the only time we are alone however....
is when we are separated....
I hate it....
yet I love it all together.....
As if it is something that only we can enjoy.....
A chance of freedom......
We said we would wait until next year....
But can we really?
Or is it...
Can I....
Really wait?
There's something bothering me... I'm not sure what to call it exactly because it's more then a problem yet less then a dilemma. As if it's a new feeling from past and future obligations? I'll know soon enough..... I can feel it.
Infinite pain....infinite sorrow. The two things hit me the other day as I lost someone close to me. The only one I could feel myself around. The only one I could open my heart to. I guess it's my fault for leaving myself to oen because this wouldn't happen if I had opened my heart. I find it now as a lost cause that my love to her was for nothing now. Thank you now, because now I can cry again. I guess I'll say it for the last time......... There are no eventful moments in life
.....
I see you there, having your fun
.....
hehehe
.....
I stand far away, my hand holding the blade
.....
hehehehehehehe
.....
smiling from ear to ear
.....
hehehehehahahahahahahahaha
.....
Gripping it tightly,thinking of the ways you'll die
.....
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
.....
Hoping you'll forgive what I have said
.....
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
.....
THE MANIACAL DREAMS OF THIS FATEFUL CASCADE COME TO AN END! NO MORE SHALL I SHED BLOOD, FOR YOU ARE MY LAST!
I thought it could last forever...but I guess not.
.....
I look at the blade,in my hand.I slowly raise it...and out goes my lights.
I still remember those moments... even though they're small and useless in some ways.
I remember the moment I saw you...
Not much attention I paid to you of course, but I still remember it....
The long hair, the cute and bubbly face...
A few months later, came more moments between the two of us...
The fun and crazy moments of after school life upheld many things...
It made a small bond between the two of us....
Then, came the moments of bliss months later...
The passionate, the crazed, the fun moments of the two of us...
Stuck together like...some kind of...sticky thing....
<chuckles>
But look at us now:
Broken, Saddened, and no reason behind each other...
I'm stuck here thinking "Forever and ever love..."
Stuck in the moments we've had...
However it seems you've moved on once we've been broken...
The same broken state of our bond remains, which I hoped I'd be able to fix....
But its impossible now.
There's no way...
So now I'm stuck here forever, thinking of nothing but the moments we've had with one another...
While you continue onward, leaving me behind...
The perfect philosophy
If there were any sort of way to dwell into a man's mind, I would want to be one of the first to have it done on. I would like to see if there was anything, anything at all that could help me perceive this world better at all. Behind the many close doors of the world is true pain that we as Americans believe is all different levels of f***ed up. I speak of war, poverty, and anything else that comes along. I see it simply as I can bear it. I wish to no longer see it just as a man with a broadened mind, but as a man with the soul of compassion that comes along with it. If I was able to do so, then I would be happy. Happier than I'll have ever been since acknowledging the truth.
Intellectual Thought 1
I look back on what I have done today and think.I ponder if I had told her.I'm wondering if I should have waited.Should have waited until we got some time alone.Should have waited for that perfect moment....so I could kiss her,touch her,caress her.I sit here looking at my screen and wonder...should I have told her?Should I have waited until the day was done,before the final hour?I think yes but my mind says other wise.I just don't know what to do except sit here and wait until I know how she feels about how...I love her.Now that I have told her how I feel for her,I must tell the other.Her skin is soft and her face is beautiful.Her curves are amazing and her personality is hard,but cute.I just wonder if I have the guts of telling her if I love her.....
An Uneasy Feeling
My heart feels heavy whenever I see you now. It pains me to feel this uneasy way. I'm not sure exactly what to do with myself now. We had a blast while it lasted. But it seems that there are no eventful moments in life eh? But luckily I have a brother who I can trust and help me get through this large hump in my life. The only true person that I feel completely connected with. Hopefully, things will go his way in his life.
This Feeling...
This feeling...
It feels as if it is something brand new....
something I've forgotten...
something that I haven't felt in a long time....
It is a new feeling to me...
as if I never had it before....
Could it be?
Can it be?
Yes, I believe it is...
The passionate feeling.....
Something that I only feel whenever I can be alone with you....
If only we can have more time alone....
So I could touch you....
and kiss you....
the only time we are alone however....
is when we are separated....
I hate it....
yet I love it all together.....
As if it is something that only we can enjoy.....
A chance of freedom......
We said we would wait until next year....
But can we really?
Or is it...
Can I....
Really wait?
A small...?
There's something bothering me... I'm not sure what to call it exactly because it's more then a problem yet less then a dilemma. As if it's a new feeling from past and future obligations? I'll know soon enough..... I can feel it.
The pain of sorrow is a hefty one...
Infinite pain....infinite sorrow. The two things hit me the other day as I lost someone close to me. The only one I could feel myself around. The only one I could open my heart to. I guess it's my fault for leaving myself to oen because this wouldn't happen if I had opened my heart. I find it now as a lost cause that my love to her was for nothing now. Thank you now, because now I can cry again. I guess I'll say it for the last time......... There are no eventful moments in life
Maniacal Dreams Pt.1
.....
I see you there, having your fun
.....
hehehe
.....
I stand far away, my hand holding the blade
.....
hehehehehehehe
.....
smiling from ear to ear
.....
hehehehehahahahahahahahaha
.....
Gripping it tightly,thinking of the ways you'll die
.....
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
.....
Hoping you'll forgive what I have said
.....
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
.....
THE MANIACAL DREAMS OF THIS FATEFUL CASCADE COME TO AN END! NO MORE SHALL I SHED BLOOD, FOR YOU ARE MY LAST!
I thought it could last forever...but I guess not.
.....
I look at the blade,in my hand.I slowly raise it...and out goes my lights.
The moments...
I still remember those moments... even though they're small and useless in some ways.
I remember the moment I saw you...
Not much attention I paid to you of course, but I still remember it....
The long hair, the cute and bubbly face...
A few months later, came more moments between the two of us...
The fun and crazy moments of after school life upheld many things...
It made a small bond between the two of us....
Then, came the moments of bliss months later...
The passionate, the crazed, the fun moments of the two of us...
Stuck together like...some kind of...sticky thing....
<chuckles>
But look at us now:
Broken, Saddened, and no reason behind each other...
I'm stuck here thinking "Forever and ever love..."
Stuck in the moments we've had...
However it seems you've moved on once we've been broken...
The same broken state of our bond remains, which I hoped I'd be able to fix....
But its impossible now.
There's no way...
So now I'm stuck here forever, thinking of nothing but the moments we've had with one another...
While you continue onward, leaving me behind...
